Jessica Simpson's near-ubiquity as she promotes her tepidly selling "A Public Affair" album has resulted in a surfeit of stories, so we've decided to break down the various break-up, hook-up and divorce-settlement rumblings into bite-size morsels for easier digestion. Here's the latest:

"Dumped! Jessica's first post-Nick romance backfires as John Mayer accuses her of using him for publicity." That uplifting headline comes courtesy of Us Weekly, which says the "bona fide" fling between the tabloid-bait blonde and the low-key musician is now flung. The relationship, a Mayer friend tells the magazine, was "a '2' that her camp spun into an '11.'" Another pal says "now he will stay away from her" in order to maintain his privacy, adding of the flurry of "I'm in love"-tinged coverage, "He thinks it's desperate. An attempt for her to stay in the spotlight." Sighs a Simpson source, "She met a guy who was scared away by all the attention."

Video: Jessica's publicity stunt?

But has Jessica, who denied she was dating Mayer during a sit-down Tuesday on "The View," already found a guy who's a little more comfortable being in the public eye? A mole alleges to Life & Style that she "was getting cozy" with side-of-beefcake model Marcus Schenkenberg, who's best known for doing "The Surreal Life" and Pam Anderson, on Sept. 2 at Bungalow 8 in New York.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the dating spectrum is Jessica's ex, Nick Lachey, who remains quietly hot and heavy with steady squeeze Vanessa Minnillo (he even took her home to Cincinnati last weekend to spend time with his family). In a final bit of closure for the bygone "Newlyweds," it appears they've managed to divvy up their prenup-free assets, with TMZ.com reporting that Nick settled for less than he was entitled to -- half of an estimated $36 million -- in order to end things amicably. Lachey insiders insist that he decided to accept a deal worth "considerably less than 50 percent" but "significantly more" than the $1.5 million that he was initially offered "because he does not want to hurt anyone in a contentious court battle."

As for Mayer, he's making things easy for any future flames by laying out his dating rules in the latest Rolling Stone. Among them: "Twenty-four-hour phone-sex assistance. If there's a cute girl in the front row, I'm gonna run off stage and call you." (Think he's kidding? He once revealed to Esquire that he spent $1,500 in four months by reaching out and touching a phone sex line.) Another rule that will have fans a-twitter: "You have to run every single fantasy you've ever had through me. You'll never cheat. You see a cute guy at the gym, I'll be him. Or we'll get him. I don't care." Huh. Good to know.