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All reviews by user Date  Helpful Rating 4 out of 33 users found this helpful  stick it with bick itsPosted: 5/3/2006A review of Stick It by BilinearLeech0 now alot ofpeople told me to see stick it because they said it was good. but this is what i say stick it islike a malnutritioned action figure. One too many nuns...and a shortage of rulers. But this didnt stop me. I stapled my eyes shut and watched this movie with a sense of fervor and purpose. Too bad my eye lids were bleeding the whole time. I just cant figure out how to stop bleeding! i saw it in x-men. it seemed to work with night crawler. but on the other hand, he ate alot of pap torts. and i hate those things. I really liked the beginning of this movie. The title was in bright shiny letters that were set on fire and there was some music in the backround that sounded like a cross between the soundtrack for heidi and alien vs. predator. i didnt get to see the very beginning though, because the audience started playing leap frog for the first hour. Oh, what a joyful game. too bad my eye lids were stapeled. I dont know who i trampeled on that night. but for some reason this person keeps calling me telling me that hell take me for all im worth. theres a couple things i learned from this movie. first of all, if you want to stick it, stick it with all your might. and secondly, dont play leap frog with your eye lids stapeled shut bleeding like a babylonian on flinstone vitamin tablets. if you want to see this movie, watch it with your face covered in molassis. it gives it that extra effect. but all in all, i give this movie a whole universe...i dont know how many stars that is...but...i know its alot. and thats what this movie deserves. i have sticky tack on the bottom of my tongue. Was this review helpful? Sign In 1 out of 51 users found this helpful 193 times that i didnt cough blindlyPosted: 4/28/2006A review of United 93 by BilinearLeech0 Well, yeah...i saw this movie. my friend dared me to see it...blindfolded. so i did. when this happened, i was taken to an abandoned warehouse and abducted for sixteen hours. I barely saw the movie. But all in all, it @ed. dont watch this movie...especially when youre blindfolded. Was this review helpful? Sign In 2 out of 6 users found this helpful  Noisy...mountain?Posted: 4/24/2006A review of Silent Hill by BilinearLeech0 I have peanut putter glued to my pants pockets. But anyway, this movie was a hit. I saw it last monday and I was expecting some sort of action packed hit movie...what i didnt expect was a silent film focusing on the life of the inventor of care bears. It starts out with a little boy trying to figure out what to do with his life. He sits in his room and hes all, I wanna be a fire man! But George Clooney (the father) slaps the kid in the face and says THATS REDICULOUS! DRAW CARE BEARS! The dad then goes on to beat the kid with a switch. The boy grows up to be a man. He is an angry man who eats raw cow skin. One nite, while he was eating these cow skins, he started vomiting insesintly. Turns out, he vomited a care bear that showed him the way to magical gum drop castle...and also the way to everyones heart...young and old. this movie gave my heart a warm and fuzzy feeling...but...turns out...that was heart burn... anyway. good movie. check it out! Was this review helpful? Sign In 2 out of 28 users found this helpful  Lucky number doobPosted: 4/21/2006A review of Lucky Number Slevin by BilinearLeech0 I was in my room one day sweepin the ground with my...sweepa...when suddenly, I saw a commercial for a movie. Lucky Number Oceans Twelve. I was psyched out of my mind! I instantly went to the theaters to view this movie. I sat down with some gummy bears on my shoes. mmm...sounds like pineapples. Well, anyways, so I was there with my dog, my gramma, my pet iguanalana, and a homeless man named joe. he kinda ruined the movie for me. because he kept talking about how he used to be in kindergarden yesterday. So the movie started wtih April Oneil trying to find a decent cup of coffee. She is killed by ninjas. thats the first thirty minutes. but then the ninjas build a shrine to the FIGHTING NINJA GOD OF WAR to bring april oneil back to death. wait. shes already dead. this movie confuses me. then george clooney comes in the scene wearing a girls bathing suit. he fights off the ninjas with a stabby knife. he kills hisself on accident. they publicly display his dead body for all to see and make a mockery of his name. it was violence all over. great movie. five stars. watch. Was this review helpful? Sign In 6 out of 17 users found this helpful  baloons and killer...boons...Posted: 4/20/2006A review of Scary Movie 4 by BilinearLeech0 i went to this movie and i saw this movie. it was greatasticflasticbatrackatrastic. if you can read that word, then...u will like this movie. my pockets were full of pizza grease at the end. mmm...pizza grease makes me feel...greasy. and so is this movie. i give it twelve thumbs up. yes. i have twelve thumbs. and yes, i have a viral disease that makes me have twelve bookadoos. dont know what bookadoos are? good. cause theyre in your face. i love you harrison ford. youre the best. Was this review helpful? Sign In 1 out of 12 users found this helpful  Two Moos and a SPOO!?Posted: 4/20/2006A review of Failure to Launch by BilinearLeech0 Failure to launch? more like...failure to make a bad movie. ive seen a lot of movies in my day, but none like this. IT WAS CRAZZZZZZZZZZZZZY. i was swimming in my pants on me. The people next to me were spontaneously combusting and i was scared in the middle. but not to worry. none to worry at all. Henry Winkles was in it. He was great. He fell in love with the girl who cheat on his other friend who was in the movie on the scene when the bird pooped on the statue of liberty. hahahahahaha...oh...ill never forget that part. did i mention the pounds of explosives that Mathew Mckonohay had in his pockets at the end? good thing Tom Hanks ate them...and then...burped...and then...blew up...but stlll lived because tom hanks never dies. ever. neither does henry winkles. if i could sum this movie up in three words it would be Too Much...steam. i give it ten stars Ten stars for a good effort. heres to you, Failure to Conch! Was this review helpful? Sign In 2 out of 10 users found this helpful how offensivePosted: 4/19/2006A review of ATL by BilinearLeech0 ive never been so offended in my life. i cant believe the things they showed on that silver screen. i had to close my eyes half the time. my child wants to be a dump truck gangsta shoot out mess up screw up drop out now. i cant convince him otherwise. well, the boys on ATL are, is what he keeps telling me. i want to meet these people who screwed up my house hold! now! Was this review helpful? Sign In 2 out of 20 users found this helpful Broody? isnt she an orphan?Posted: 4/19/2006A review of The Wild by BilinearLeech0 I saw this movie. it was great. i mean, cmon. what can be better than a hippolo and a barricuda having giraffe babies. two words nothing. just in case you dont believe me, heres proof. a barricuda times a blue hippolo equals seven giraffes. that is the equation of barricuda slash giraffe seperation anxiety. times it by infinity and then ill give birth to a baricuda. but enough about baricudas and logs, lets move on to better things...such as Madagascar...whoops...i mean the mild. it starts out with a bunch of bradies. the bradys then leave and then the boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooo! crap. i pressed the o button....toooooooooooooooooo much. well. great movie. see it. Was this review helpful? Sign In 1 out of 8 users found this helpful The Biz on the CribsPosted: 7/16/2005A review of Dark Water by BilinearLeech0 Now, I love scrary movies, but this movie was a like a sandwich that you left out for too long and then still decided to eat it after all it's been thru. Yes, flies have inched their way into it's core. And foam has lightly spread itself on the crust. But its still got the basic ingredients such as: Peanut Butter, Jelly, Ham, Roast beef, and pennyweather hummus broth. That's how i basically felt about this movie. It was a rollercoaster thru hummus broth land. I like the actoress in thsi movie. What was her name a gain? Seebiskit? I think she's like a rapper and that's an alias. Check out Seebiskits new hit: Under the Water of the Darkness (Remix 411). It's the best song I've ever herbed. Don't forget to pay for the ticket before you step on the cricket. (If you know what I mean) ; ) Okay guys. I gotta hit the road (litterally). See ya later. Was this review helpful? Sign In 6 out of 13 users found this helpful I have to say, I've got a pet walrusPosted: 7/8/2005A review of Fantastic Four by BilinearLeech0 Now, everyone. Don't be alarmed. Just because this movie is called fantastic four doesn't mean that this movie is just a four star rating with a fantastic no no on the go go. You see, this movie not only changed my life, but it changed the way I live. After I saw this movie, my head exploded. Then everyone in the theater was all mad at me because...you know...it's just not polite when your head esplodes. But it was a good call for it. If you want to see this movie, bring a vat of chicken wings and at least four boxes of tissues. It's a real tear jerker. Well, that's all I have to say. Until next time. This is Mack Mcgrack signing out. See ya. Was this review helpful? Sign In 3 out of 8 users found this helpful 10 and a million stars and a halfPosted: 6/24/2005A review of The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl by BilinearLeech0 Weeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllll, I saw this movie. I know exactly what you're thinking. You're thinking...this guy, he's a movie expert. He would never like this movie. But Goldfish girl and Bindy Boy was the best movie I've seen in seventeen years. I remember when I saw...what was it?...umm...it was called...the zebra one. Seabiscuit? Yeah...seabiscuit...when they taught that zebra how to race. With those mosquitos and stuff. Yeah, this movie was almost as good as that one. It starts off when Tapioca boy learns how to use a lasso and then he decides to join the rodeo. Then, Navy girl says, "you need some practice...you can't just pick up a lasso and assume you can do it." So he gives up. That's just one of the many adventures of...whoever they are. Plus, it's in 3-d, so you can see their fingernails and stuff way up close. I was almost sure that it was real. It was definately one of my life vs. death experiences. I almost had a hart attak. Well, I'm buying this one DVD. And I'm giving a copy to all my friends. You know who you are. I'm giving YOU a copy of this movie. Get ready. iT'S AMaAZYING!
from,
mack mcgrack Was this review helpful? Sign In 3 out of 10 users found this helpful slay the monty montiesPosted: 6/22/2005A review of Batman Begins by BilinearLeech0 Batman...begins? Didn't he already begin? There was a first one right? Maybe this is the final cut... Well anyway, I'm in this movie. I took a break from movie reviewing and actually tried making a movie. Who am I, you ask? Well, I'm Batman. You know, when they try to fool you and try to convince you that the guy that's playing bruce wayne is also playing Batman. It's not true. I'm the guy who does all the wicked awesome stunts and what not. Except, I don't kiss the girl. Tom Cruise strictly prohibited kissing of the girl. But it's okay...I was still Batman...Who could ask for more? Not me. This movie "Begins" when Bruce Waynes sitting on his little couch and he says, "Life's more than just sitting on the couch..." So he becomes Batman in an attempt to make something more of his life. Bruce wayne was only in five minutes of the beginning of the movie. I was in the rest...well...because...the movie's about batman, not bruce wayne. That's the sequal to this one. Bruce Wayne ends. Where Batman is in five minutes of the beginning and Bruce is in the rest. But that's just a little something something I'm not supposed to tell you...so...don't tell anyone I told you. The rest of the movie, which shows my amazing acting skills, is about batman trying to get a bus pass...and killing everyone that gets in his way. This movie is rated R because of the crazy gory scenes. Plus, all the stunts were real. The directors got real thugs and gang members off the streets for me to fight. I REALLY fought them and they REALLY died. The only scenes that aren't real are the scenes when I die. Well, you're gonna have a fun time watching this movie. Remember to bring a box of tissues.
From,
Mack Mcgrack Was this review helpful? Sign In 4 out of 14 users found this helpful Hey! Hey! Hey! The gray on the play!Posted: 6/20/2005A review of The Perfect Man by BilinearLeech0 The perfect man? Is there such thing? Hmm... Only proper anilization and thorough study could really answer this crazy question of life. First, let us look into what the perfect man is.
The Three Characteristics of a Perfect Man
1.The Perfect man has broad shoulders. You see, a man has to have shoulders so he can kinda have a struggle to walk thru a door. A man shouldn't walk through a door as if it were...just a door. A door should be a challenge he faces every day. This way, the women can see that he can face such a challenge. He is...in essence...a knight in shining armor facing the every day dragons.
2.The perfect man has to like coffee. Does he drink it? No way! He looks at it. With a firm stare. He doesn't drink it with his lips. He drinks it with his mind. This way, in case he gets fired from his real job, he can get one in the circus. You always have somewhere to fall on.
3.The Perfect Man has only two teeth. One to chew with, and one to maliciously slay his victims with. He is a man to be reckoned with. The two toothed man. The guy who wears a mask and a really really cool jacket. He is the man.
Well, the perfect man in this movie didn't have any of these characteristics. That's why I gave this movie...one star. Well, I'm out. See you later. Don't forget to brush both ways. Was this review helpful? Sign In 1 out of 10 users found this helpful The Best of The RestPosted: 6/16/2005A review of The Honeymooners by BilinearLeech0 Matching Hats, beards, and big boots. What more could you ask for? You see, I didn't think this moive was gonna be a huge hit. But then I gave it a chance. The lead roles: Potslakotsa , Steve McGee, Johnny Surbabonnee, Mr. Godigo, and my personal favorite: Dargagagagaraga. Splendid job my good fellows. The movie was about a guy and his wife. The wife's like, "let's go on a hummy moon." She said it all sweet like so that he would be like, "Aw baby, come in my arms and let's have a hummy moon." ("Hummy" is like a sweeter way to say honey if you haven't caught on. It's unusual, but very normal, for couples to play with words. You might see someone use the word dog in such a form as :Doggy woggy Peter Pants" as she or he talks to her spouse. I can't explain it all, though) But the husband had different plans. And his plans were: to take o'er the world. The wife despised this idea and told her husband that if she didn't get a honey moon this instant, then the whole things off. She said, "If you don't get your lazy pattoooza off of that couch and if you don't stop watchin that football game, you can just say good bye to your mother-in-law." What the wife didn't know was that she was not her husbands mother in law, but her husbands wife. You see, his wife wasn't that...how do you say...bright. So the whole thing worked out in the end. The husband got turned off the couch and stopped laying on the football game and started looking at the more important things in life. Like his wife, for instance. He took her in his arms and said, "Girl, you got the face of Princess Jasmine in Alladin and the Return of Jaffar." The woman was flattered, and almost in an instant, she recovered from her...confused and utterly absurd state of mind. As for me, Mack Mcgrack, I have to go to the well to fatch that pail of water. And bring it back to the woman of my dreams: Ruth...I'm still looking for you. Be dear! Come back to me.
From your loving lover of lovers,
Mack Mcgrack Was this review helpful? Sign In 4 out of 19 users found this helpful If I could have one cheese finer....Posted: 6/15/2005A review of Mr. & Mrs. Smith by BilinearLeech0 As you know, I am an expert in movies, so this might c o m e as a shock as to what I'm going to tell you. You see, this movie was amazing. Amazing in the four hundredth degree. I can't believe the special effects and the crazy oompa loompas at the end. Or was it in the middle? Well I don't want to ruin either, so you're gonna have to see it. The story goes like this: There's a huge horse. And they say, " dang! we're gonna have to get rid of this horse!" IT was just too big to keep. This is where Mr. and Mrs. Smith comes in. They're like, "Yup! Way to big!" Then they leave. And so does the horse. And so does the horse. But don't take it from me. And so does the horse. Was this review helpful? Sign In |
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