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All reviews by user Date  Helpful Rating 0 out of 0 users found this helpful  AUSTIN 316 FOR LIFE!Posted: 9/19/2007A review of The Jane Austen Book Club by Anonymous Hey everyone I have a great idea! Let's make a movie and call it a book! If you simply cannot get enough of Jene Austin, then I suggest either checking out her husbands Steve Austen's wresting films, or write a book and call it a movie. Mind you, it is better to call it a movie watching group than a book itself. Can you say all time low, perhaps we will have to deal with more sappy character who do nothing all day but complain about how they have even less to do than some other people, or that they cant get prince william to give them a second look.
I might have been able to enjoy this flick if Kiera Portman or Natalie Nightley had started ballroom dancing on top of a baby grand or maybe even given birth to Luke Skywalker, better yet have fallen in love with every pirate on the low oceans.
There wasnt anything that happened the whole movie, or book, or whatever. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful Jungle BoogiePosted: 9/19/2007A review of Resident Evil: Extinction by Anonymous I own and rent out some condos (it is an up and coming venture trend) and I would never allow Evil to be a Resident with me. I hope that it is extincted, but i the Doubting Thomas withing me is coming out (yeah, thats a biblical reference).
People with names like Mile Jovovaovoichicklichv and Odd Fehrerereerhhr. This is America, not a made up film festival in a trendy art district. We like movies with people who have real names.
More importantly, where was Rihana. Perhaps she was an extra for the Umbrella Corporation. (How made up is that)?
Am i supposed to be scared? Who needs fear in a movie with loads of excess blood, when you can have something even better-guns! Everyone wants to shoot 'em up (we will get to that later). What a dumb movie! Resident Evil reminds me of Lara Croft, which isnt a happy memory considering she isnt actually real and that it was the only decent game out at the time and plus there was no game half as decent with an actual believable character. You need to realize that if you like these movies you should probably hone your wow (you know what i'm referring to) so you can turn around and sell it for a profit at the end so you can make a resident evil game for underworld. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful Good Luck (Up)Chuck(ing) (This Movie)Posted: 9/19/2007A review of Good Luck Chuck by Anonymous Yo Dane, nice shaved legs. I love that he makes fun of everything worth making fun of and then he just does the most retarded things on purpose. This is why I should review movies before they are made, that way I will be able to tell the producers to just throw all their money in a toilet and flush it. Romantic Comedies is like those annual birthday presents from you're aunt. Each gift is a bit different than the previous, yet it really is the same. So eventually you just realize you need to focus your joy more on what grandma got you.
At first I foresaw chuck being an irish cow who behaved rather well. That turned out to be a bit off. He was actually the exact same character from every romantic comedy ever made. There and then I decided it was best to bust out my mobile espn and start trading players on my fantasy football league. As if, of course I didnt manage my fantasy team or whatever. Who does that? That is such bogus. First off, fantasy is a waste of time, that knowledge of all those players does nothing for actually adding to something worth putting on a resume. Plus it is just a crapshoot of who does well and who &*^*s you know. I would rather watch Good Luck Chuck than do that. Moreso, I would rather tie and retie my rainbows. "OOOH, good one. You cant say anything Mr Review Man, the character in the movie and you share the same name." Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful Pacify This Longest Game Yard PlanPosted: 9/19/2007A review of The Game Plan by Anonymous First of all, "sunshine blah blah blah" whoever you are that wrote that horrid review of this movie. why am i going to listen to your review of a movie starring The Rock, if your name is sunshine? people, please.
An even bigger question is: why make another pacifier? It's the same guy! Could Hollywood get a little more uncreative? No, they can't.
Finally, about the movie itselft. Kids are incredibly obnoxious, and you cannot stand them, they just mess everything up. Beyond that, football players can't do anything not involving sports. In the end though, everyone grows, and loves each other and lives in harmony.
That was what I wrote BEFORE I saw the movie. Now for AFTER I saw the movie.
What I predicted all came true. Why do you want to go see a movie if you already know everything that is going to happen? The Stone had sex with some random chick, so he gets some random daughter, yeah I know what you're thinking, A Good Year all over again. It is totally ok to mess around when you are young, except for the fact that you could get stds, or end up with an unexpected pregnancy and a daughter raised improperly until you get a shot again. I guess the producers were playing on the fact that the only scenes you have ever seen of Rock is sex or violence. Toss in a poor little girl, and you have one humongous awkward feeling that lasts forever and a day. Yeah, it will be ingrained in your head until eternity.
Overall and in conclusion, just see Pacifier and The Longest Yard on adjacent televisions at the same time. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful The Bottom of the Totem PolePosted: 7/19/2007A review of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by Anonymous this is probably the 4th best phoenix in this world. first you have the captal city in arizona, obviously. second there is the suns, all hail steve nasher. thirdly is that flight of the phoenix with the Rookie, Denis Quadcab. But actually, this might be a little lower in the pecking order had i been able to conjure up some more phoenixes. overall and in conclusion, you have to be a nut to have stuck with it this long. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 1 users found this helpful Alliteration Overload!Posted: 7/6/2007A review of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer by Anonymous The Size of this Rilver Rulfer seemed to have decreased a tad bit from the first lap. I say, if I run into another alliteration after all actors and actresses adapt I'm going to give up my job, please hold your applause. Overall and in conclusion, this quartet of quiet quill users had be gasping for air. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful Almighty Kids MealPosted: 7/6/2007A review of Evan Almighty by Anonymous For Heaven's sake! John Carell is just about as funny as a doggie funeral for your 7 year-old-son who missed out on the new toys introduction at Mickey D's. Yeah, i know what your saying, that's not very funny. My point being made, I think that the reintroduction of Ron Burghundy's dog, Baxter as the focal character was a brilliant act of Goodwill towards movie goers (as goes the theme of the moomie). I came, just like he told me, two-by-two, only to be told that there was Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful  Fuzzie Wuzzie Wasnt Very Fuzzie Wuzzie?after approximately 30 minutes in the movie, i recognized that this movie is not all about The Killers. only then did my date remind me that this is hot fuzz, not Hot Fuss. i was rather disheartened upon my revelation that i wasnt going to see some boys killing Fuzzie Wuzzie. the bear that had no hair, and therefore wasnt very fuzzie. no matter, id say the fuzz tended to cool toward the middle half. is that possible? probably not, nevertheless, i would have called this movie Stupor Trupors Again. thats just me. overall and in conclusion, imax makes me hurl... and get nausious. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful Very Quick ShutterIt was obvious this movie was shot with a China-worth supply of disposable Kodiac cameras. I have a good eye and can tell the difference in slides. The motions of the characters kind of reminded me of claymation.
If you are like me, though, you were expecting gay bears. Cmon, i know you were. When you take Kodiac bears and throw in Jake Jilinhaul, you are bound to see some toes get stepped on and some cheeks feel with blood. But what can I say? I can say that I was entirely wrong and the movie had less to do with bears than it did the formations of the stars. If our lives are truly run by the way the stars are, then woudnt that mean that we wounldnt have to do anything, but rather the stars would push us around? Yes, I know I am right. The moveis wrong.
Who am I to judge though? Oh wait, Im a movie critic. Thats why I say that if you like fake fortune telling devices, then pick up the paper and flip to the back, get your sign and take a hike. Besides, who even want to see gay bears? dont you get enough from Quilted Northern commercials? Yes you do. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful I Give It 1 StarAnother CIA movie?! Like you gotta be kiddin me. First it was the Possible Mission, then its 2 kids. Second it was The Recruit, which was just a bad excuse to bring back Pal Acino and stick him with Will Ferrels bad boy bro, Colin. And now we have come full circle, back to nonficiton. They say that was goes around comes around, and you can certainly say that about this flick. Nothing is more unbelieveable than fiction. As Mr. Ferrell said it himself, Stranger Than Fiction.
As a profesional, I know that all producers are the same. They pick people to pick on people pickers. See, again with the cyclical motif. Another reason to give this movie a solo star, it has unique themes-NOT. They keep singin the same song, guy screws up (kind of on accident, kind of on purpose) and now he has to go further than he ever thought he would go to protect himself. The same old theme-the snowball effect of lying. First a fib, then a big fat greek lie. I have seen it a thousand times. Why should the fact that the man goes too far be a big enough of a shocker to shock people into pulling cashish out of their IRAs to foot the bill of their ever expensive late night theatre ticket(s).
Frankly, I think Hollywood needs to quit focusing on the past and push to the future. Its over, you can visit the Bahamas anytime you like. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful The Happy Pursuit of a Spelling degreePosted: 12/22/2006A review of The Pursuit of Happyness by Anonymous is it just me, or did will smiths son in the movie look eerily similar to his real life son, jaden smith. speaking of spelling, isnt jaden spelled jadin? and isnt will really spelled wil? and isnt happyness spelled happiness? did they do that to avoid copyright infrimgement from the constitution of the united states written before there was copyrights? all these questions and more left me dumbfounded as i tried to keep up with this fast-paced, action-packed thriller. i think this movie was a lot better when it was called jerry mcguire. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful Go see The Last Holiday insteadPosted: 12/22/2006A review of The Holiday by Anonymous this movie isnt half as good as that latifah-filled chuckler of a movie leftover from last year like the broiled duck from thanksgiving that your Uncle Norton shot down while hiking in the Alps. i mean, if holidays are important to you, then maybe you should spend the holidays holidaying instead of watching movies about other holidayers holidaying. if you only want to see the movie because of the actors, then go see charlies angels 3 and orange country. and finally if you just want to see the latest chick flick, i would suggest going and making your own staring the both of your parents and how they met. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful Ex land of the man standPosted: 5/24/2006A review of X-Men: The Last Stand by Anonymous you know, i absolutely hate x-men. it probably the most childish concept since Barney. its all about the personification of boyhood dreams of being able to do physical feats that no one else can do so they can show off. however, and thats a critical however, The Ex-Man, Land Sand blew my socks off. i saw, if i had eight arms, a couple dozen wings, could turn into a blazen buzz of ground beef, id probably make someone make a movie about me. check this one out, or in. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful the return of impossiblepossibliltyPosted: 5/17/2006A review of Mission: Impossible III by Anonymous so i decided that the makers of MI3 dont know the definition of the word impossible. it meansNot capable of being accomplished. however in the film, the mission truly is possible because it was accomplished, therefore it was and is possible, therefore not making it impossible, thus nullifying the title of the movie. i think its false advertising. however, the movie seemed a bit too possible. probably because phillip cruise hoffman wasnt as bad to the bone as tom seymour cruise could have been, otherwise, once you get past the scenery, or lack there of of northern canada, one can truly discover the inability of dusty hoffman to relieve the magazine of ammo from the grasp of al del greco. in spite of the deleted scene from the tail end of the middle sector of the movie, id have to say the major theme of the film was misplace backdrops. i mean, fil cruiz jumps out of a B-20 bomber onto the back of an oversized teddy bear. i mean that just doesnt make a whole ton of sense. another example of such miscues is when tom see-less runs out a glass house into a large jar full of melted white chocolate. after that he changes scenes to the southwestern alps. i mean, were they impying a flight in there that i missed. again, tum moure (who is played by hoffy cruz) isnt the greatest badman, mainly due to his disruptive behaviour durning the opening credits. i mean, if they were intending to threaten me, they should have brought back salty chips and sliced bread. if it werent for all the eating scenes during midday outside, i think i might not have gotten up and retired to the food court. i wish there had been more villanious prosperity throughout the third quarter portion. basically during the entire movie i had an awful itch right in the middle of my back. later i found out it was because i left my chocolate gummies in the car. overall and in conclusion, this movie had a lot to offer in even more time. check up on it. Was this review helpful? Sign In 0 out of 0 users found this helpful snausagesback a couple years ago, i went to see Because of Publix, and wasnt all that impressed. in fact, after the movie, i doused myself in maple syrup, only to the disgrace of the audience did i perform thus feat. so while im finishing my half calf deluxe gummi slushi, the movie just gets to the part where the owl starts hooting at Winn-Dixie. however, throughout that pivotal scene my concentration was averted from the main action, and projected to the backdrop where a frightful event was taking place. not only were the owles covered in molasses, while subjunctively beating their apendages, behind a Weber grill. after this episode had subsided, i soon realized the protagonist was in love, but was stuck in the friend zone. overall and in conclusion, this movie was a hoot! wait for oer the hedge. Was this review helpful? Sign In |
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