Nicole Richie apparently wants to swap vows with Joel Madden without worrying whether her water will break at the altar. Us Weekly says the procreating pair are brushing off chatter that they're planning to pledge their eternal troth in Laguna Beach, Calif., on Oct. 13, which happens to be the same day the Good Charlotte front man is due to hit the stage with his band in Melbourne, Australia. "It's such a joke," a Madden mole scoffs to the mag. "We were all laughing about it. The tour is still on and they have no marriage plans yet." Chimes in wedding planner Lorraine Keseloff, who was rumored to be coordinating the ceremony, "It's all completely false." According to the mag, Nicole and Joel don't plan to get hitched until after their ankle-biter arrives this winter.

How is it possible that yet another beautiful woman has fallen into the oft-perforated arms of Pete Doherty? Two months after the drug-disposed rocker proclaimed that he loved capricious squeeze Kate Moss "with all my heart ... I love her bones," he's popped the question to equally scrawny model and singer Irina Lazareanu, reports Women's Wear Daily. Seems the brunette looker has been searing corneas during Paris fashion week with a knuckle-crushing ring on her all-important finger. "I very recently got engaged," she's quoted as saying, although she didn't divulge when she and Doherty might make their dysfunctional (we're assuming) romance legal. Moss, who reportedly just announced her own engagement to Kills front man Jamie Hince, is well-acquainted with Lazareanu, whom she tapped to be the face of her Top Shop fashion line.

If you prefer your women in towering heels and layer upon layer of hobo chic clothing, take heart: Mary-Kate Olsen is still on the market. "Weeds" actor Hunter Parrish tells Us Weekly that reports linking him to his pocket-size co-star are so much hooey. "It's not true!" he insists to the mag. "I'm sure we'll laugh about it this week!"

They'll always have the Jumbotron. Nick Cannon and Selita Ebanks have pulled the plug on their romance just five months after their very public and big screen-captured betrothal, reports People. "Selita and Nick are taking a break to focus on their careers," the Victoria's Secret model's rep tells the mag, "but still very much love each other and remain the best of friends." In May, the "Drumline" actor dropped to one knee to slip a not-at-all-ostentatious 12-carat diamond sparkler on Ebanks' finger, popping the question on MTV's Jumbotron in the middle of Times Square. But Cannon's tootsies appeared to be turning cold by August, when he admitted to People he was looking forward to a long engagement because "you get to know people ... it's that preparation time to see if this is what you really want." Perhaps next time he'll do the "preparation time" before shelling out big bucks for a gaudy bauble.

It's a good news, bad news situation for "American Idol" also-ran Kellie Pickler. The bad news, according to the Tennessean, is that the deliberately dizzy blonde, 21, has had a nasty breakup with Nashville Predators hockey player Jordin Tootoo. The good news? She's crooning through the pain as only a country singer can. The paper says Pickler announced during an Oct. 1 performance that she and Tootoo were kaput after about nine months of togetherness, saying cryptically, "Jordin knows what he did." A week earlier, she hinted onstage that the NHL-er had done her wrong, declaring that Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" was her new theme song. Kellie also joked (sort of) that she wouldn't be averse to Tootoo losing a tooth or two during a game, although her laughter later turned to tears as she warbled "Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You."

Next: Charlie vs. Denise, Now With More Piggishness